“You’re different since you got back from Kenya,” she says.
“Oh? How so?”
“You’re unhappy.”
Yeah, I am.
“And the thing about your blog is…you’re not telling the full truth,” she says.
“Oh? How so?”
“You’re not getting naked–being human.”
No, I’m not.
The conversation went something like that, albeit on two different days with two different people. But this is how I remember it. Wisdom woven together.
A few weeks ago, Awesomepreneur unceremoniously celebrated its first birthday. I’ve been meaning to smear a piece of cake all over its face or something but, you know babies, they don’t remember their first birthdays, anyway. Awesomepreneur will forgive me.
As far as the obligatory “Look how far we’ve come” element of the blog birthday ritual, I have a different take on that. Go with me here.
When I started Awesomepreneur, I didn’t know shit.
I wanted to write about working with heart. What does that even mean? No idea.
Okay, I’m exaggerating for effect. I had/have a foggy idea of what it means to me to work with heart and I thought a blog was a great place to explore that idea. Isn’t that why anyone starts a blog? To explore, experiment, evolve — and share that journey with the world?
One year later, I’m so glad I did it. Awesomepreneur is a work of heart. Committing to a public practice of love as a lifestyle and business model has changed my life. I am better for it. My business is better for it. My relationships are better for it. Awesomepreneur is better for it. But I gotta tell ya…
I still don’t know shit.
What does this any of this have to do with Kenya? With my month long bad mood? Or my (un)willingness to strip nude, blogaphorically speaking, in my Awesomepreneur posts?
In Kenya, I finally had the chance to put my heart where my work is. To explore out in the world that which I had spent a year exploring on my blog. To walk my talk. And the very first thing I learned was…
I don’t know shit.
Our first night in Kenya, I barreled into the experience with obnoxious amounts of enthusiasm and collided heart first with an energy that told me, both gently and assertively, “Sit down, shut up, and do what you came for.”
Apparently, I went to Kenya to discover I don’t know a damn thing.
Admitting that, shutting off the internal loudspeaker of the ego (or at least turning it down), allowed me to hear the voices of those around me. It allowed me to take the focus off of “giving back” and shift to receiving others. Receiving each moment without judgment or agenda (or, trying to, at least) and with it, each person — their story, their heart, their truth. And, in that place, I had what I can only describe as an Awesomepreneurial orgasm. Mind, body, spirit. There was no reason to it. Just rush. The only way to explain it is “Yes!”
When you know you don’t know anything, then you can really get to know someone.
Now I don’t mean to suggest that Kenya–the physical place–is some sort of magical fantasyland of higher consciousness. It’s not like when I crossed the threshold at the Nairobi airport I “saw the light” or any such nonsense. But when you travel beyond your comfort zone–whether by airplane or by thought–it’s always easier to surrender to the I Don’t Know that makes knowing truly possible. “Seeing the light” is what happens when you dim your brights and look around you, wherever you are. For a brief moment, far from the City of Have To Know, I could see the stars in every sense. And it was awesome.
But now I’m back to business as usual, back in that busy metropolis of Have To Know, home of the Experts, Gurus, and Masters of Everything. Where everyone’s too big for their britches — and those britches itch. Heartwork feels like hard work in the City of Have To Know.
What’s an awesomepreneur to do?
Stop hiding. Strip naked. And set up shop as The Expert On Not Knowing Shit.
Awesomepreneurship, as I learned over the last year, is not about knowing everything. (Notice how my ambitious 365 Tips For Working With Heart have stalled at #46.) Working with heart is about opening your heart. It’s about making love your business, not making your business about love. And love is people colored.
If I Have To Know something, may it be that.
As Awesomepreneur sets off into its second year, it does so with the lights dimmed, in search of new, luminous looks into heart-centered living. We’re not looking for spotlights. We’re looking for stars. Let’s not know together.
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The post I’m The Expert On Not Knowing Sh*t Or What I Learned In Kenya appeared first on RKA ink - Web Design With Heart.
